|May 15th, 2006 (London, UK) - Casino Meister Bryan Bailey was treated for minor lacerations today after becoming “stuck” to a flock of sheep, in what doctors are calling the worst ever hook and loop fastening disaster. |
After buying over 30 sq. meters of Velcro in a local hardware store, Mr. Bailey was seen covering his entire body with the “hook” side of the material. Despite pleas from local area residents to put his clothes back on, Bailey continued to glue to himself a makeshift Velcro suit. According to store manager, Jim Reese; “He (Bailey) came in and said he wanted to be the ‘Velcro Meister’. I had no idea what he was talking about, but he and a small 1970s robot bought all the Velcro we had. A few minutes later, heard a woman scream, I looked out the window, and there was this Velcro Meister guy naked on the sidewalk, gluing the Velcro to his legs, his privates, everywhere.”
Shortly after applying what Bailey describes as “Velcro Meister Super Armor”, Bailey went to a local field to, in is own words, “scope some sheep” Shortly thereafter, Bailey noticed some “attractive sheep” and charges the herd. Bailey became immediately ensnared in the sheep’s unshorn wool.
Passers by described the next minutes as horrific as Bailey became engulfed in a ball of sheep. Luckily for Bailey, local shepherd Sam Burdock came t Bailey’s aid with sheers and some Vaseline, dislodging the trampled and rug-burned Bailey from the frighten animals.
Bailey, who is scheduled to Velcro Drag Race iGaming Magazine Editor Michael Caselli at an upcoming industry conference, may not be able to compete in the challenge, which is less than a week away.
“I feel confident that I can beat Bryan should he recover in enough time to compete”, said Caselli. “I slapped him like a fish at the GIGSE Sumo competition a few years ago, and I know this sheep thing will be on his mind should we race. The only unknown factor that could possibly give Bryan an edge is his unnatural love for Velcro – and sheep.”
Doctor Mestral, who is treating Bailey at Swiss clinic specializing in Velcro emergencies, said that while it is still uncertain if Bailey will be well enough to race, he is just thankful that Bailey in wasn’t training for the Crazy Glue Regatta which takes place later this year – or he’d still be picking wool off Bailey and his robot friends.
Mestral however still insists that Velcro is safe; and commented; “We have been on call for a Velcro emergency since 1948 when the Velcro Emergency Clinic was founded. This is actually our first emergency, and frankly most of the doctors at this clinic were beginning to believe that even the clumsiest and most simple of people couldn’t hurt themselves with a product that is safe enough for a baby’s shoe. But The Bailey’s Incident, as it has been come to be known in medical journals, just shows that we need to put more money into the research of harmful effects of hook and loop fastening.”