SATIRE: Brian ‘Buttercup’ Bailey
By staff
Brian ‘Buttercup’ Bailey to take on polite industry do-gooder in the Sumo ring at Charity Gaming Event.

Former schoolgirl Brian Bailey has taken a decisive departure from his vocation as a shock-jock broadcaster of meaningless twaddle on the radio stations of the Internet’s nether-regions to engage in mortal combat with iGaming industry do-gooder Michael Caselli.

Bailey, who has changed his name to Brian ‘Buttercup’ Bailey for the match, is eager to prove that he is more than a bag of hot air. At a recent press conference held in his backyard tool shed, Buttercup Bailey boasted to an audience consisting mainly of robotic toys “I am the greatest Sumo Warrior of all time! If I don’t beat Caselli by Round Three I’ll eat a raw chicken right there in the middle of the ring. Then I’ll commit hara-kiri like the Sumo before me!” in true Muhammed Ali flare.

When a lederhosen-clad passerby attempted to point out that it was the Samuri rather than the Sumo that committed suicide after defeat, Buttercup Bailey went on to sputter a string of words that made no sense at all, but are available weekly to the listeners of his CasinoMeister radio show.

This boast comes directly after Buttercup Bailey’s failed attempt, at a recent iGaming conference in Amsterdam, to prove that Hawaiian shirts did indeed have a place in a modern society. “If Bailey’s conviction to dominate the ring is as resolute as his bad taste in shirts, Caselli may have a struggle ahead of him; despite Buttercup’s herb-induced torpor and sloth.” said a close adviser of Bailey’s who agreed only to be quoted as ‘Saddam H.’, in order to protect his identity from the backlash of one of Bailey’s long-winded and nonsensical tantrums.

Bailey’s manager and former lover, Vortran007, will be ringside despite rumors of their mutually agreed trial-separation. When questioned about the event, Vortran007 expressed grave concern for Buttercup Bailey. “When I first met Buttercup he was a picture of health – an Army Paratrooper of eleven years - but after several subsequent years surviving on a diet of pink ladies, Bacardi Breezers, penile enlargement drugs and mini Kit Kats, I am not sure his bloated frame can take the abuse of the Sumo ring.” Vortran007 continued…“I know that the well publicized loss of Buttercup Bailey’s testicles was difficult for him, but I don’t think that doing something stupid like attempting exercise is going to prove to anyone that he is still a man.”

Industry insiders are invited to watch Bailey’s trouncing live at the GIGSE conference in Toronto on May 19th.

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